When I begin working with a child or adolescent I am always working with a family. The child comes to me for play therapy which can meet a few needs, but the parents meet regularly with me for consultation and coaching. The first need that individual therapy meets is that it allows the child to get to spend one on one time with someone who is 100% focused and in connection with them in that moment. No worrying about what I should make for dinner, or whether this child is enough…social enough, kind enough, smart enough, fair enough... Just to be and begin to see the world through their eyes. This is helpful for all kids though from the adult lens, seems most helpful for kids who might want to talk or play about current struggles around anxieties, relationships, grief, adjustment, managing big feelings, etc.

 

Play therapy from this standpoint alone can bring big changes, though the process is sometimes slower than the adults around the child would like. But that’s often true about many of their interactions at this point- adults want to tell kids to stop doing something and for them to just stop it. But often we need lots of practice (that looks like doing it wrong!) until we get it right. Repetition and consistency are key here. Kids are relational and sensitive to others’ emotions. Not necessarily logical or even linguistic (want to talk about their experience).

 

The second need that individual therapy fills is that it allows me to get to know the experience, the world view, and the self-concept of the child from their perspective. A child may not come to me and tell me what is going on at home or school the way that their parents might, but they can show me in their play how they perceive the world. This allows me to collaborate with the parents, after getting to know the child, so that I can say, “your child is communicating this to me. How does this communication blend with what you see or the issues you are having in the parent/child relationship?” That is where I think the most healing and growth is. Because I can meet with your child for 45 minutes a week, but I will never be their parent and I will never have as many opportunities to set and maintain loving limits, build skills, infuse more nurturing or more boundaries as you do. So, your own growth in and commitment to supporting your kiddo’s specific need through parent consultation will bring change sooner.